I only post when i feel that i need to let out my feelings. There are a lot of things that jump around in my head but i dont have a close enough friend to share/let out my feelings to. Which is sad because, i want that. I want a friend that i can yell at and cry on there shoulder. I want a friend that i know will be there for me. I have my girlfriend. Shes been my bestfriend for...five years. But, since shes my girlfriend....i cant share things to her...about her. You know? And thats hard because thats practically the only person i talk to throuhout the day. I mean, i love her. I talk to her about a lot of things but i need a friend for other stuff.
Since i dont have a friend,so, ndeya wants to restrict herself. She wants to get a scale and weigh herself two times a day. She says its going to modivate her to lose weight. Not ok with me. She is beautiful the way she is. THE WAY SHE IS! I dont understand why she just cant believe me. I want everything to be ok. I want her to accept her body for the way it is. But i know that thats not going to happen easy. I believe that if i keep saying she is beautiful and pretty and attractive and hot and sexy and amazing, she might just believe me one day. Plus group and all of her other stuff shes doing, she might get better. She told me she will never be cured completely. I can deal with that. I cant deal with her going down that road again. The road of fasting and binging and fasting. I just, i cant do it again. And the scale thing scares me because....its like a symbol of the past. She use to weigh herself...i forgot the number. But it was a lot. Way more then four times. I dont think thats really healthy. The scale...its like going back to the past. Going down that old road. Its scaring me. I dont want her to get that scale, but its her chose. She can do whatever she wants. I am not her keeper. I just wish she would take my opinion into consideration. Its like, when it comes down to eating disorders, my opinion doesnt really matter. And for the most part, it doesnt cause i cant relate on her level. And i dont want to experience what she is going through. But i want to be able to understand. I want to be able to give her advice and be able to say i can help you. I hate having to just sit back and watch it all happen. It hurts. I hate being helpless and i hate not having anything to say. I hate having to just listen. Saying im sorry over and over again cause i dont know what else to say. I cant say i understand. i cant say that everything is going to be ok. I cant say, lets just cuddle cause we arent in the same city. In conclusion, ths sucks. I just want to help and i cant even do that.